I WRITE POETRY

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"I Write Poetry," by Jeff

 

US Government Statistics

There are 46 million people in the US who have been sexually abused.

There are 420,000 children in the US who are in foster care.

This year, 300,000 foster children will be sexually abused.

There are 20,000 HIV infected children in the US who are in Foster Care.

 

JEFF: I am the FNG. Fucking New Guy. People always wonder. So what did you do to get here. It was shoplifting food from a grocery store. We were hungry. I was tired of turning tricks with men I hated. It is okay if you are fucking your wife but when you are fucking me it has to be all quiet about it do not say anything. If you tell everybody has at least one life that takes a hike on a bike go fly a kite. Nobody ever did shit for me. I got HIV in prison. This guy was fucking me! Now he is dead.

 

So I put a fountain in the vid b/c it reminds me of like when you are cumming. When I got here everyone was paired off. I am the lone wolf one. Trig is the leader of the Smash Street Boys. He is only 16 and there are a couple of boys older but Trig is smart and quick. I want them to like me. That means being good to Trig. People think we all go to Tim. That is not always true. We go to Trig. Then we go to Tim. I write poetry. It is what I do. They do not even have poetry in the school I was in. It was not worth the headache going there and I quit.

Poetry is only poetry. It does not make you right. It does not make you wrong. It does not make you anything. You are just the poet and you thought it up like the smoke from weed hangs blue and heavy in the air and you know where you are from. The photography stuff is new to me. I am learning a lot. I have some time to make up for. Being the new one is hard. This is a tight group but I think they are beginning to let me in.

 

What It Felt Like When I Was First Diagnosed, by Trig (16)

I felt like a bad person.

To have HIV is bad.

The people who have it are scum.

We are scum to them.

They were very mean at the clinic.

I still feel like a very bad person.

Like I am not clean.

 

WILD DOGS

Let us call him Sasha.

He's next in line on the safe house waiting list.

One of our older boys has been offered a position as an illustrator. It's a good job. I want him to take it. He leaves Sunday. Saturday the boys are doing a send-off party.

Hypothetical:

Addiction: Fuck America. America has its own self-created problems. The real problem with addiction in the world is glue and alcohol. America is not the world. It is America.

Sasha is from a large city where he has been living in the tunnels of an aging sewer system for the past three years.

No parents. He has escaped from three institutions. I am convinced there others we do not know about. The record-keeping has been negligent. There has been no one to care. Sometimes the records are incomplete because the kid has been abused in the institution.

He has no social skills. He's rather like an animal. It is a wonder he is involved in prostitution but he is. His health problems are significant. It amazes me men would want him but they do. He has infected rat bites.

There are social workers from a (very poor) charity who have attempted outreach but Sasha is violent.

Everyone would love to be rid of him.

Do I think Sasha can be helped.

That is not the issue. The issue is should Sasha be helped. Personally, I think he'll die within the year.

Do we take him in and make that year bearable or do we let him die alone in his sewer with his friends, the glue and the paper bag. Or a sock he stole. The one he sniffs the glue with.

I see no hope for this kid. Why would he even come with us. It has nothing to do with me. It has to do with peers. He's still a teenage boy, and his peers are important to him even if the ones who also live in the sewer system hate him and they do.

He would have peers among us. He knows that. He is aware of who we are.

I have some of his drawing in his file. They are not bad, considering they were made in a sewer.

Does any fifteen-year-old deserve to live in a sewer. The kid is dying as I write this.

We would have to face going through another death. It would be hard. Maybe too hard.

I've met Sasha. He's not unlike an animal.

I am going to put this dilemma in front of the boys for discussion. But I know what they will do. Kilian will be exasperated.

What would you do. Take him in and let him die some comfortable enough death among people he knows. Or let him die alone and sick in a sewer. He could be scooped up and medicated with psycho-drugs. This is theory. No one wants to do it. There are no plans to do it. People are just waiting for him to die in the labyrinth with the rats and he will.

What would you do.

 

Finding Smash Street, by Scott

This is for sex work dudes who want to come to Smash Street. There are serious things you should know before you hit the road. I speak from experience. Smash Street is a safe house. That means there has to be major confidentiality. There are bad people who would love to know how to find you. Everyone from pedos to abusers who are waiting for trial dates.

Do not just hit the road unless you’ve had some experience getting around. It is illegal to hitch-hike in most of America. The cops will bust your ass. You will be put in detention. Do not bring drugs. If you get caught traveling with drugs you will never get out of detention. Cops will shake you down. They will take your drugs and they will take any money you might have. If you travel through the South you could find yourself beaten up and in a ditch. Cops in the South are crooked and on the take. Do not even think you have rights. You have no rights. They find kids down here buried in shallow graves in the woods all the time. No one knows who they are. You would be just another John Dow with a tag on your foot and stored in a big refrigerator, and get it through your head, no one in the South asks questions. Questions are dangerous. It will not be a criminal who kills you for five bucks. It will be a cop.

If you are thinking weather will not be all that important you are crazy. We are way up in the mountains and it will snow on you in a minute. The next day it will be hot. It will hail hard. If you are wearing sneakers they will get tore up. Boots are lots better. But you will get blisters and if you have HIV those blisters can get infected real fast. You need to know that HIV care anywhere in the South can be really bad. The AIDS clinic has cops with guns at the door and they will want ID. If there are warrants out for you like for running away they will grab your ass. Remember that HIV meds are very hard to get. Do not make the mistake of thinking you can turn tricks anywhere around here, and doing sex work in places like Atlanta or Memphis is dangerous. Traffickers are always on the alert and they are looking for boys who are alone. If you think these guys are evil-looking men then you know nothing about the life. Traffickers are frequently women and they will come on to you like they are your mom. These cunts are not your mothers. They will promise you everything from weed to food to alcohol. If you are already a junkie they will know it right away. You cannot fool them. Do not believe a word they say. Addicted dudes are easily picked up and raped by men who pay for it. You will just be fresh meat. Rohypnol, GHB, and Ketamine are all knock out drugs. It is very easy to overdose on these drugs. If you are given Rohypnol and you are already high you are dead zombie material.

Do not take the bus. The nearest bus station is hours away, and anyone waiting a long time for their ride to arrive is easy prey and predators will know all about you in less than five minutes. Neighbors in places like Appalachia are not nice people. Many people who live in the hollows have stills and they grow weed. They will assume you are there to rob them. They all have guns. You should consider everyone you meet on the road as being armed. Do not buy a gun. Even if you think you know how to use one. It is just a bad idea. We will not allow one here. It is a waste of money and even if you bought one in a place like a rest area they are ripping you off because you are an idiot. Traveling with HIV meds is a big problem. Cops know what to look for. Carrying drugs in unmarked bottles is a felony. Try not to commit a felony. They can keep you forever. Even if you find us it does not mean we can take you in. Nobody sleeps in the woods or the barn because it is just another bad idea. If you think you can do drugs here it is a mistake to think that. So have it under control. Do not go into withdrawal on the road. You will die. The main thing is to stay alive. There are kids here who have like probation officers and if they recognize you it is bad for everyone. I strongly advise you to not travel rough if you are wanted. Wanted means jail and jail means rape.

If you to do this and you are HIV and you got no food remember that your body is so at risk. If you get sick and you get the runs on the road you can end up dead in a truck stop. There are very few places to wash your clothes and if you stink to shit no one will pick you up and the bus drivers will kick you off. The dudes who live here are the dudes who run it. We have a whole file of selfies from dudes with reps like pimping. If you have a bad rep we will find out about it b/c grapevines are for real. Stay off social media. Someone who needs to hang low and is on social media is beyond help. You got to be street wise. If you are robbed it will be for cameras, expensive Nikes and Vans and your money. Now how are you going to be Jack Kerouac without the jack. If you are carrying stolen credit cards you may as well walk right into the prison. Laying low dud means being low and no one with a brain wants attention on you like with anything Apple stuff like iPod. Do not smoke weed and get all laid back listening to the iPod b/c you might as well say just wear a sign that says put your dick in my mouth. Do not bring your guitar. Now who is going to give you a ride with the guitar and they would probably steal it to sell it. You are a victim.

It is true you can be raped in detention. You can be raped on the road a hundred times. If you did not have HIV then you do now. There are bug chasers and bug slammers. A bug slammer is slamming needles. These people will want inside your little asshole and they are dangerous losers. People with expensive cars probably trafficking like why would some rich person pick you up. Young girls will pick you up high on weed. If you fuck with them I want to tell you they all got daddies and not the kind you suck off but the other kind. The real kind. It gets complicated. You are there to keep moving not for drugs, sex or rock and roll. Do not be a stereotype. There is not going to be a job. This mystery job you think will be there will not be real. You got to concentrate on what is real and frankly if you are where you are then you might be some little boner no one can afford to know. Try to make things work where you are. You already know the role call of the agencies that will help you and beware that they all want ID. I am not the department of referrals and I am not the health department! Dude I personally can not no way refer you to a place I only heard about. You got to think that a little pussy hustler like you is going to stand out anyway. People are poor out there. They want your stuff and they have guns. You know that!

Cops and bounty hunters can find you especially if you are like all over facebook with your shit and photographs. No one cares what music you like. Instagram things like background or signs in the view are like going to bust you. No where is safe. Not in the woods in Oregon or a commune in California. You only have yourself to depend on. You are basically alone. Think before you act. If he wants to take you home for the night and play you got to decide. Never get tied up no matter how much they lied about paying you. If you are tied up in a city you do not even know which city is is shut up b/c you have no say so as to who gets paid what. They will promise to take care of you. If he has open liquor bottles in the car you are playing with fire. Anything bad that can happen to you in a city can happen to you 20 times on a highway. Getting into big rigs can be as do you have nuts for testicles. Plan and learn about nutrition. It is all on the web. Do not have sex vids on you playing in some amateur play room with tips and advertising your butt hole b/c there you are right in the open. If you do cams remember they go underground viral weather you are dead or alive. You can not do it on coffee and cigarettes.

If you are 14 you are going to be fucked on the road and passed around. It will stay with you until the day you die. If the situation is that whatever you are in is maybe murderous I think you ought to be on any runaway hot line you can get on. I never been on any so I got nothing to say. Maybe you need an adult in your life. How do I know? I know that kids can just disappear. This is only my way of saying be careful. It is not as easy as you think. There is no good places and it will be in your face.

Be suspicious out there and if it sounds too good to be true believe me it is. 

"If the E.R. bitch just pulled out the rape kit, UR 1 of us.

Come sit down beside me"

The United States is the only UN State not to have ratified the Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC). The United States played an active role in drafting the Convention by proposing the original text for seven of the drafted articles and offering commentary on the additional articles. On February 16, 1995, then­ Secretary of State Madeline Albright signed the Convention. In 2016, the treaty has still not been ratified by United States Senate despite heavy involvement in its crafting.

The United States has ratified the Optional Protocols to the CRC on children in armed conflict and the sale of children.

Both United States treaties and federal law are afforded the same weight in the United States court system. Under the Supremacy Clause of the United States Constitution, treaties entered into by the United States and all federal laws are considered the “supreme law of the land.”  

 

IF WE DO NOT STAND UP TODAY AND DEMAND SOCIAL CHANGE - MEDICAL CARE, SAFE HOUSING, LEGAL COUNSEL, SUPPORT SERVICES THAT SERVE THE BEST INTERESTS OF PEDIATRIC & ADOLESCENT MALES WITH HISTORIES OF SEXUAL ABUSE, SEXUAL EXPLOITATION, SEX TRAFFICKING AND HIV-DEFINING INFECTIONS AND DISEASES, WHO WILL APOLOGIZE ON OUR BEHALF TOMORROW. AND IF THE BOYS BEING FORCED TO ENDURE SUCH BREATHTAKING PAIN & NEGLECT DO MANAGE TO SURVIVE AND REACH ADULTHOOD, OLD AGE EVEN, PUNISHING THEM FOR NOT HAVING THE WILL OR BENEVOLENCE TO FORGIVE OUR SOCIETIES' CONTEMPTUOUS INDIFFERENCE WOULD BE THE ULTIMATE ARROGANCE.

OUR ART & POETRY & STORYTELLING IS A MARK THAT SAYS "WE EXIST." WE WILL KEEP THESE STORIES SAFE FOR THAT MOMENT, WHEN SOME FUTURE GENERATION TURNS TO ASK: WHAT WERE THEY THINKING, WHAT WERE THEY DOING, HOW COULD THEY ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN.

 



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